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What Makes a Child Feel Like They Matter?

Psychology Today

Last updated: May 26, 2026

This article emphasizes the fundamental human need to "matter," particularly for children, and outlines strategies for parents to cultivate this sense of importance and purpose in their offspring. It argues that specific parenting actions in the early years are crucial for a child's development of self-worth and their ability to form meaningful relationships later in life.

The core idea is that we all desire to feel valued and have purpose. To help children feel they matter, parents must demonstrate this importance directly through consistent presence, clear validation, and emotional support. The first three years are critical for building a child's capacity for self-soothing, self-regulation, and self-esteem.
Key parental actions in the first three years include spending ample physical time with the child, showing love, challenging them to develop new skills, and celebrating achievements. It's also vital to soothe them when upset and consistently tolerate tantrums without reacting with anger.
As children grow, parents can foster a sense of mattering by involving them in family life, making them feel needed, and assigning age-appropriate responsibilities. This includes communicating how their contributions benefit the family and encouraging them to help both inside and outside the home. Prioritizing chores and contributions over screen time is also recommended.