Miss Manners: If you want to honor someone, ask what they actually want
Cleveland
Last updated: May 3, 2026
The author advises readers to reconsider hosting surprise parties, as the element of surprise can be more enjoyable for the organizers and attendees than for the individual being surprised. The primary concern is that the recipient might not appreciate the surprise, leading to discomfort or disappointment.
- The article suggests that while surprise parties are often well-intentioned, the unpredictable nature of an individual's reaction can lead to negative experiences. Some people genuinely dislike being the center of attention unexpectedly, feeling put on the spot or overwhelmed. This can detract from their enjoyment of the event.
- Instead of a surprise, the author advocates for parties where the guest of honor is aware of the celebration. This allows them to prepare mentally and emotionally, ensuring they can fully relax and enjoy the occasion without the added stress of an unexpected situation.
- The advice emphasizes the importance of considering the personality and preferences of the individual being celebrated. A planned event, even if it feels less "surprising" to the organizers, ultimately prioritizes the comfort and happiness of the guest of honor, making it a more successful and enjoyable celebration for everyone involved.
